Customer Service Representatives are People, too, Study Indicates

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At long last, compelling new research has debunked the age-old belief that customer service representatives are a non-human species. While the research has been well-received by many, some refuse to believe that it is conclusive.

Such is the belief of long-time shopper and cynic Victor Harkley, who asserts that customer service representatives are robots. “This wonky research has me unconvinced. As far as I’m concerned, nothing is changing in the way I treat those customer service robos, which is with utter disrespect, not to mention blatant animosity.”

Sociologist Katherine Everton, who spearheaded the study, maintains that it was conducted with the utmost integrity. “We surveyed thousands of customer service reps at hundreds of different companies, asking them questions to determine if they had were, as once believed, soulless robots. We questioned them about the matters that have throughout history most tugged at the heartstrings of human beings, including how broken up they were over Brangelina’s split or the discovery that Pluto was not a planet. To further quantify their empathy, we brought a randomized cohort into the lab and tracked their brain activity as they viewed images of other heartbreaking happenings, such as the introduction of this year’s new Starbucks holiday cup or the invention of Windows 10. What we found amazed us. It turned out that these customer service reps actually felt something in response.”

A customer service representative for a high-end nourishment corporation, Ashley Flannery, was moved when she read the results of the study. “I feel… stuff. Oh, and would you like fries with that?”