Being Spoon-Fed Opinions by Media Rather Than Developing Own Convictions Deemed Bedrock of American Virtue

app-browser-coffee-6335

Once upon a time, American virtues used to include liberty, justice, and honor, but, as Bob Dylan sang: the times are a-changin’. Being spoon-fed opinions by media has recently been deemed the bedrock of American virtue. According to a revealing new study, four out of five Americans don’t like to come to their own conclusions about current issues. Like the person who would rather retweet than tweet, the typical American lacks the capacity for innovative thinking.

“Between having strong convictions about the design of Starbucks cups, the abomination known as Windows 10, and whether I heard Yanny or Laurel, who has had energy this year to invest time in the critical thinking required to understand societal issues?” bemoaned Raven Watson. “I’m sorry, but there are way more important things to think about.”

“I believe strongly in potatoes,” declared Katrina Keeley. “You can eat them so many different ways. I have strong convictions about potatoes and the way they ought to be prepared. But when it comes to an issue like abortion, my mind just goes blank. I have zero opinions.”

“When it comes to something like chairs, I can tell you my opinion about them,” stated Victoria Onessa. “I LOVE chairs and really believe in them. I believe in their greatness. I believe in everything they stand for! Comfort, luxury, stability. And yet—truth be told, I could care less about refugees or religious liberty. Even just thinking about thinking about those things hurts my brain.”

For those who find being spoon-fed information to be too mentally taxing, some social media gurus suggest that they will begin offering straws for those who would rather slurp their opinions.