On Singleness

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The other day my friend asked me how I deal with being single. Especially when it seems like so many people my age have already found someone. I’m 27, by-the-way, so it’s not like I’m that old but still. It is starting to feel a little harder being single than it did when I was 26. For some reason, 27 seems to me to be the age by which one should be married. When people ask you if you’re single and you respond in the affirmative, they often say, “You still have time.” And, at age 24, 25, or 26, I agreed, but for some reason, when people say that to me now, at 27, it doesn’t feel like I have as much time. I had been feeling a bit down about being single, but I’ve been feeling better about it and much happier overall the last few weeks. (See my previous blog post—The Person I Want to Be).

My friend asked me if I did the whole “why me” thing? Like, why me? Why am I still single? Why am I not good enough? And honestly, I don’t really do that. Sometimes, yeah, but not much. I feel like I have a pretty good view of singleness, so I thought I’d share it on my blog to encourage others.

Side note: In the past, I had considered starting a blog, but I thoughts along these lines—It’s arrogant to start a blog. To think that you have something important to say. That people actually care about what you have to say. But… it’s not arrogant. And, to my surprise, people keep reading my blog haha. Not a lot of people. But some do. And it seems like my serious posts get more reads than my humorous ones, so it seems like people in the world care what other people out there have to say, so that’s cool. I feel like before I would’ve felt weird or embarrassed about sharing my thoughts on the internet, but it feels kind of good, actually. Plus, blogging is really important if you want to be a published novelist, so I’m going to keep at it. 😊

Anyway, on to my thoughts about singleness. As a follow-up to my blog entitled The Person I Want to Be, this is The Kind of Woman I Don’t Want to Be:

  1. The kind of woman who is desperate to be loved.
  2. The kind of woman who puts all her energy and focus into finding a man.
  3. The kind of woman who compromises her principles to be with said man.
  4. The kind of woman who wastes her time and resources on a relationship that isn’t going anywhere because she’s afraid she won’t find anyone else.
  5. The kind of woman who is never able to give, serve, and love others because all she can focus on is how she can be loved by a man.
  6. The kind of woman who feels like she needs to “convince” guys to like her. Rather than let him find her while she’s busy living her life for God.

The Kind of Woman I Want to Be:

  1. The kind of woman who knows she is loved.
  2. The kind of woman who knows it’s better to give than to receive.
  3. The kind of woman who can be content in any circumstance.
  4. The kind of woman who does big things for God. Who doesn’t sit around waiting for her “life” to start when she gets married.
  5. The kind of woman who stays faithful to God even when it’s lonely and hard.

I just feel like marriage isn’t ultimate. God is. I may find someone soon or it may be later (and yes, I’m really hoping it’s sooner rather than later) but in the end, when I die, I’m going to God. This life is so fleeting. And it’s hard to wrap your head around that, but it’s true. And, what if I did marry someone in five years, but then he died or I died? Sorry that’s dark, but again, it’s true. There’s just no guarantees in life apart from the love of God, so why make your number one focus anything other than that?

Anyway, I know not many people are going to see this blog because I’m taking a social media hiatus and thus not posting it on Facebook, so I thought I’d share a little more. I was praying recently and felt like God was telling me that I will get married and have kids. And that it’s important for me to trust in the promise in the meantime. So, that’s what I’m going to do. Rather than question God’s goodness, I’m going to trust in His faithfulness. Someday when I am married and have kids, I will be able to tell them that I wanted them really badly and it was hard to wait for them, but in my waiting, I trusted the One Who Is Good.

I go to the library a lot (because all the cool people do FYI—seriously, though, libraries are my happy place) and they recently installed a playground outside the library. LOL. Like, the librarians got together and were like, we gotta trick all the lil’ rascals into associating fun with the library haha. Anyway, that’s likely not how it went down, but that’s what I like to think.

And so, there have been a lot of parents and kids hanging out by the library recently. And I would walk by them and think to myself—will that ever be me? Will I ever have kids to play with?

And now, I don’t question anymore. I trust.

I really believe that women bear the special responsibility of trusting God. I feel that the duty of trusting falls on both men and women but especially on women. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman at rest, right? When a woman is a peace-bearer? Rather than a controlling, worrying, nagger.

I feel like God is trying to teach me that He is good. I know this in my head, but I need to know it in a way that actually affects how I live my life. So far, I am loving this process of learning to stop questioning and start trusting. If anyone has tips in doing that, let me know. 😊